Paralyzed

Some where in my grief I became paralyzed. Even setting up a blog I couldn't write my first word right away. This is my attempt to help myself and maybe someone else.

I will start with the end. At least the current end. There will be many transformations of my thoughts I am certain.

My dad's house was torn down yesterday. My childhood home. It is only 6 months since my father died. I have been going past the house frequently. In fact I was there the day before at noon and the house was still standing. Yesterday I went by at about 3:30 and the house was gone.

Yesterday was my 32nd wedding anniversary. The wedding was at 4pm. Like yesterday, it was raining. As we were leaving the house my dad got the umbrella up and made sure I did not get wet. He was very specific about his job as father of the bride. It was a happy time. The house was full of activity. Everyone was there, my mom, dad, 2 sisters, and my brother.

It is amazing what memories you have inside a house. For me it was the last bit of my dad-as long as the house was there I could go there and "see" him. Now it is gone and all my memories are really just that-memories. How could so much change so fast?